The other day, Lyla asked me "do you think you and Daddy will stay married forever?"
This question was followed by a long list of people in our family who used to be married and are now divorced. Both sets of her grandparents are divorced - and most of them remarried - and have been since long before she was born. She's experienced several people come in and out of our lives from those who date and then break up. And because of all this, I can't blame her for being curious about her own parents.
To be honest, this was not a conversation I wanted to sugarcoat. The truth is, no one knows what events life will bring - including those within a marriage. Nothing is guaranteed. Can I honestly say I'd stick it out after finding out about an affair? Or if our life goals and passions eventually lead us in different directions? No, I can't. For a marriage to work, you need to not only grow within yourself but with your spouse. You need to constantly encourage this growth in each other so you can feel free, supported, and most important of all, HAPPY in your marriage. So far so good with Eric and I, but a lifetime is forever away, and the last thing I want is for my children to have a fantasy of expectations. So, I entered the conversation with our crazy smart 5 year old with this in mind.
While referring to those in our lives who have experienced divorce, I explained that people change. And if these changes don't happen together, it can make people feel unhappy, and that happiness is extremely important. Lyla's response to this was "yeah, you'd probably get pretty sick of each other if you were always feeling frustrated" (gosh, I love her brain).
Keeping the conversation short, I closed by simply telling her that Mommy and Daddy would stay married as long as we make each other happy. I assured her that we are very happy now, and hope to always be.
I do not want a divorce, and love my husband deeply. However, divorce is a real thing in this world, and I simply don't want my children to grow up thinking it's the end of the world. I want them to know that when a divorce takes place, whether it be a family member, parents of a friend, or whoever it may be, that it is not a bad thing. It is the end to an unhappy time, and the opportunity for those people to find happiness once again.
She's had an interesting take on this. Her response to the initial conversation was "that's good". She has since made comments like "if you know Daddy gets frustrated easily, why did you marry him?" and others like "Daddy is so handsome, good job marrying him" - she cracks me up. Each question is an opportunity for me to teach her something, so I always answer honestly. I tell her that even though Daddy gets frustrated, there are many other good qualities about him that we all love. I also tell her that though I agree he is quite the handsome, there is more to loving someone than how they look.
I love how mature our girl is, and that I can have these conversations honestly with her. I love that she knows how happy her parents are together, but that there is light at the end of the tunnel for those who have experienced divorce. As I am practicing myself, I want to teach my children to always look at the positives in a situation - divorce included.
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