The 3 Year Old

My brother had always warned me that the 3 year old was to be feared more than the terrible 2's - and now I believe him. Combine the temper tantrums of a 2 year old with the ability to be defiant and talk back, and, voila! You have a 3 year old.

I used to like to consider myself the cool-calm-collected mother who dealt with these moments with ease and relaxation. Now? I go back and forth between being totally agitated and quick to point in the direction of the "time out"chair, to feeling guilty about partially being the reason for the sudden outbursts (cough, arrival of Hannah, cough) and babying the situation. And I feel terrible about both.

As a mother, you never feel like what you're doing is enough. You are your worst critic, which is cliche, but so true. Instead of looking at the good in both situations, I pick them apart to point out areas that need improvement. When I'm disciplining Lyla by showing consequences for her poor behavior, I feel I'm being too harsh, and I'll go back to blaming the big change of Hannah for the way she's acting - leaving me feeling guilty. And when I exert all of my energy into explaining over and over again why she may be upset or frustrated, I feel I'm being too easy, letting her get away with things, and therefore not teaching her right from wrong. Constant mind game. I never feel fully accepting of the way I choose to handle things, because I feel it always coulda-shoula gone another way. I've yet to find a comfortable balance of toddler-explanation and discipline. However, I'm quick to be the one to baby when Eric steps in to discipline, constantly saying things like "she's only 3" constantly. I think with Eric acting more like "bad cop" I feel like I always should be "good cop" and make myself feel terrible in moments where I lose my cool.

Lyla has now entered the "FINE!" and "OKAY!" stage. (Isn't this supposed to happen when they're 13, not 3?) I feel like I'm losing my sweet, well mannered toddler. But then I'm reminded of how young she is when her response to anything negative is a floor-hitting meltdown. I'm at that point in motherhood where you can't win (also something I thought was years away); if I try and surprise her with breakfast before she wakes up, she's upset that she didn't get to tell me what she wanted for breakfast. Even if I pick something up off the floor and throw it away, it's "no, I wanted to throw that away!" ...really? It's taken all of my energy to remind myself that it's the age; a phase that will pass, and that's also likely escalated with the addition of her sister and more limited mommy-time. Between trying to stay calm through the constant sensitivity and power struggle with Lyla, and nursing and coo-ing with Hannah, I'm one exhausted mother come bedtime. And have some how still found the energy to exercise everyday; probably because if I didn't I'd want to rip my hair out.

But some things are getting easier as Lyla approaches 3: she's much more independent. She's totally content and happy watching a TV program, doing a puzzle, looking through books, or doing a craft on her own. I used to feel guilty for every moment I wasn't physically on the floor playing with her, but now with Hannah's needs it's nearly impossible to give Lyla my 100% - which I'm slowly realizing is okay, and that I am human, not super mom. Lyla's also been a big help with the baby - getting diapers and burp rags when needed, holding and playing with her, and although it won't have any sort of impact until later, she's started to teach her sign language.

So even though 3 has proven to be more tough and frustrating than 2, I wouldn't change the age difference between my kids for anything, and now it's just a countdown to see what 4 brings ;)