Motherhood Struggles

I will say it - I bust my ass as a stay at home mom. It's a job that could be much easier if I just allowed for a little more TV time, or chose day care and work instead of the time at home. A friend of mine shed some light on why she thinks I might be as hard-working as I am, and I found it very enlightening.

I got pregnant with Lyla at 19 and had her at 20. It was a very sudden, very new relationship I was in, and surrounded by judgmental peers who were full of opinions. Knowing I couldn't do anything about what people would say or think of my situation, I knew that I had no choice but to prove them wrong by being the best. Sure, it was an unplanned pregnancy. And sure, I was young. But what could people say poorly about me if I was an amazing mother?  Until my friend brought up this point, I had never really thought of it that way, but it made me realize that this realistically was my initial mindset - I had just never said it aloud. But from the moment I got pregnant, I knew that there was no way I would ever take a short cut or an easy way out. This was my baby, and I was all hers. 

I will admit though, that I think the hardest part about parenting it just how hard I can be on myself. I guess it's not entirely bad to be "obsessed" with your kids, but I feel I can take it to the extreme sometimes. I exhaust myself making sure that, everyday, they are read to, played with, out for fresh air, learning new things...etc. Most days this is wonderful, and I feel amazing about the job I am doing as their mother. But there are days where my desire for constant stimulation for my children gets in the way.

Some days - particularly days where Eric doesn't work - we will spend more time thinking of a family day plan, rather than actually spending time and playing with the girls. I am so set on getting out and doing something new and fun, that we waste half the day deciding, which leads me to be frustrated about the time that has slipped away, and if we do make it out, it's rushed, frantic, and forced.

My latest and greatest learning experience in motherhood is to just let go. If I am at home, paying attention to the girls, that is much more productive than cooking up a plan that will simply get us out of the house for an hour. And if I am at the gym or out running errands, I can't be upset with my husband for not taking them outside, or not reading to them. His time with them is his - I shouldn't feel the need to control it.

With everyday in motherhood there is a lesson to be learned. I keep learning, and keep changing. I will never regret working as hard as I do, because you would do anything for your kids. But I am happy to have found ways to be more relaxed if things don't necessarily go "according to plan".