There's a lot of hype revolving around modern, gentle ways to parent these days.
Never say "no". Never yell. No time outs - ever.
As much as I'd like to think of myself as one of these cool, mellow parents who is able to raise her children in a calm and collected manner, without ever shouting or sending someone to their room, I'm not. However, I'd be lying if I said that I haven't thought about it, or even tried it for a day...or half an hour.
Good parenting, to me, is defined by knowing what works best for you and your children. I am not quick to put my kids in a time out, but they will end up there after several warnings. I try to use phrases like "we don't pull hair" followed by an explanation of "that hurts", but will not hesitate to let out a firm "NO" after poor Lyla is crying and Hannah has her third fist full of her sisters hair.
I will admit that I do not always believe time outs work. They spend that time crying, and other than a forced "sorry" and a hug, nothing gets fixed. They will still be upset and act according to their emotions, which still results in grumpy, sibling-bothering kids. I've realized that at times, the time out has more to do with ME needing a break and them needing to be removed from a situation, rather than them being punished. And this is where we found something that works for us: alone time.
Alone time, usually pertaining to Lyla, and is when we have her go in her room and choose an activity to do - alone. We explain to her that she is not in trouble, but also why she needs this time to herself; not sharing well, not speaking kindly...etc. She can read books, color, do puzzles, or rest in bed. We tell her that she can come out whenever she is ready to play/talk nicely. This is something that has really worked. She will usually spend at least a half hour in her room, doing activities that can be difficult with Hannah around, like color with markers or use her princess things that have smaller pieces. I'll check in on her to bring her a snack, or "ooh" and "ahh" over something she just created. When she feels ready to come out of her room, she is like a whole new kid. She is happy, more calm, apologizes on her own, and plays with her sister without frustration.
It's also something that is great for me, too. When you're at home all day and you feel like one more temper tantrum might just put you over the edge, this "alone time" is the perfect little break needed from the chaos of arguing siblings. It allows things in the house to quiet down, Hannah gets the attention she wants, and Lyla gets the alone time she needs. We can all come back together with more patience and understanding, and move on with the rest of our day.
It prevents a lot of yelling on my part, and hair-pulling on theirs.
So as much as I may use the word "no", raise my voice, and use time-outs, we seem to be making it work for our family just fine.
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