Family Importance

Growing up, big holidays were always something I looked forward to because it meant seeing our extended family. My dad's side joined us at his place for Thanksgiving, and on Christmas Eve there was always a big gathering with my mom's family. It was great to catch up with cousins, aunts and uncles who we may only see that one day a year. Unfortunately, after my Nana's passing, my mother's family fell into several arguments and the yearly gathering came to an end, and Thanksgiving at my dad's slowly decreased to our immediate family and significant others. Although I still look forward to this time with family, it is disappointing to see how families can stray from one another.

Now being married with 2 children, I want to make holidays as special for my kids as it was for me when I was growing up - and I don't mean showering them with gifts (although there's a fair share of that, too), but mainly to stress the importance of family. In a perfect world, there would be one giant holiday gathering between our two families where we had the opportunity to see everyone all at once. In the real world, this have been proven impossible; both because of the size of our families, and also because of unresolved arguments, divorce, and hostility between several family members. It was clear to me and Eric back when we were planning our wedding that nothing involving out families would be easy. Someone won't show because of the presence of another, one will feel left out when plans are made elsewhere; it makes even a small family dinner nearly impossible. Planning birthday parties and baptisms has been a struggle, and major holidays? The worst.

Holidays for Eric and I means to multiply by 4. One gathering with his moms side, one with his dad, off to Worcester to my dad's, and then to Maine for my mom. Although it keeps us busy, quite frankly it sucks. This year, playing the "newborn" card, I claimed Christmas. I'm not driving 4 different places with a toddler, newborn, and dog - if you want to see us on Christmas you're coming here. Lucky for me, my parents don't have an issue spending holidays together, especially when neither of them are hosting. But each year, I miss the excitement I used to have to see the extended family all together.

Someday when we own a much bigger home, I would love to be the bigger person in all of this family drama and host the annual holiday party. Unfortunately, I'm sure one person or another won't attend because of reasons previously listed, but who knows what will happen over the next few years - hopefully things will find a way to settle down. Even when Lyla's father and I were in contact, I had proposed the idea of having one joined holiday a year (even something minor, like Valentine's Day or St. Patrick's Day); it was, at the time, important to me to have Lyla see that Ben and I could get along as her parents, even though we were not together. Especially if we had both married and had children: those are Lyla's siblings, and I thought it would be great for her to be with all of her siblings and both sets of parents one day out of the year. Now, with him not seeing her for over a year, this isn't a concern of mine, but who knows what can happen down the road.

Having children really opened my eyes to family importance, and made me look back and appreciate all the times I did have with my family. I can only hope that we will find a balance with our "4 families" and that holidays will one day settle down and be a bit easier - right now it feels like we are pulled in all directions, and someone is always left hurt or left out. We can't control what goes on in our family, but I can make sure that we, myself, Eric, Lyla and Hannah, stay close and maintain the best relationships with each other. You only want the best for your kids, and family is at the top of the list.